Sense
by LifeonEarth
Summary: "I know you love him, Ginny, and any person in this room can tell you he loves you as well, but sometimes there's someone else out there that can take better care of you," he said, his voice and face turning back to how it usually was. Soft, sweet, caring. Colin. "Someone who's going to survive this." Looking back on it, I should've known the difference between Colin and Harry.


_**Sense**_

I was numb. That was all I could think of.

Numbness.

As I sat there in the empty dormitory, all I could think about was how the death of so many of my brother left me with this numb whole in my chest making all other feelings vanish and causing breathing to become a chore rather than instinct or habit.

Hermione had come in a few times and each time I bluntly ignored her every tactic to get me to leave the room and venture to the rest of the castle. After the sixth time I yelled at her and told her that I needed time to grieve for my lost brother and that if people couldn't accept that they needed to rot in hell. She got angry with me, I could tell, but she didn't say anything and left. I haven't seen her since, and that was 3 days ago. I feel bad now because I knew she was right, but after all, I am a Weasley and my pride is my biggest issue.

Luna is more accepting, but I don't know if that was a good or bad thing. She would come up and tell me about things. Two days ago she told me that Harry asked her about me. She said he was worried and wanted to talk to me. I told her that after what he pulled, I wasn't talking to him even if my life depended on it.

The day I decided to finally leave the dormitory -which was a week after the battle-, she told me that the rebuilding had started and that the bodies were now being moved. Fred was the first, she said. Then Tonks and Lupin together.

That got me out of my trance.

My family.

George.

They were all grieving too, it wasn't just me. And I had abandoned them like I felt Fred had abandoned me. I felt terrible, and I think Luna meant for it to be that way. She knows me better than I give her credit for.

An hour after Luna had talked to me, I ventured down from the Gryffindor Tower. So many friends hugged me and told me they were sorry for my loss. The ones who just looked at me with tears in their eyes were the ones that I truly believe were sorry because they knew further contact would cause my controlled emotions to erupt. I silently thanked them and moved on.

I closed my eyes when I saw bodies move through the corridors. I didn't want to see whose face it would be. That wasn't something I was prepared to endure.

I opened one door to the Great Hall and suddenly wished I hadn't. Before my eyes was the dead body of my first best friend, Colin.

All this time I had been grieving for Fred but it was now finally sinking in that former best friend was dead.

I started sobbing hard, terrible broken sobs. I moved my feet to go towards his body but I felt an embrace of familiar strong arms encase me and root me to the spot. When I finally recognized who it was holding me, I cried harder at the very last memory I had of Colin.

_We were sitting side by side in a corner alone in the Room of Requirement. Everyone else was talking to someone else and I was grateful to be alone with Colin for the first time in months and be able to talk to him about my fears for this year because besides Luna and Neville, he was all I could talk to. It was strange being able to talk to him, we didn't spend much time together last year. I had filled him in on what was going on with classes, how DADA was now The Dark Arts and how I refused to perform an Unforgivable on the first year brother of my old teammate, Alicia Spinnet. He cursed under his breath._

_We sat in silence for awhile and I leaned over onto his shoulder, feeling tired and exhausted. Colin didn't move or say word. I felt him tense up though, but I ignored it. He was comfortable._

_"I miss you... We haven't talked in a really long time. Why?" I asked._

_Colin scoffed. "I think you know the answer to that, Ginny. It's obvious."_

_I looked up at him. "What?"_

_"Ginny, think about it. We were really close 4th year and then 5th year we weren't. What changed?" He was looking at me like I was insane._

_"We took different classes," I offered._

_"We took 1 different class because I failed Transfiguration," he said bitterly._

_"I don't know then, Colin," I defended._

_"Think really hard about it, Ginny, really think," he said low._

_I thought about it really hard but couldn't come up with an answer. What was so different that caused me to loose contact with my best friend?_

_When I didn't reply, he stood up abruptly and said, "Figures."_

_I grabbed his arm and pulled him back around to face me. "Why is this so important that you're willing to stomp off over it?"_

_"It's dangerous, Ginny. It's dangerous the way you're going," he growled._

_"What is so dangerous, Colin? What am I doing wrong?" I whispered._

_"He's not coming back, Ginny."_

_The truth hit me like a thousand rocks._

_Colin was talking about Harry._

_"What?" I breathed._

_"Harry isn't going to come back, and if he does, he's not going to make it out alive," he clarified._

_"What does Harry have to do with why we haven't been talking?"_

_"Last year the two of you got close. You and he played Quidditch together. I couldn't compete with that. So I just stopped. I stopped walking to class with you. I stopped sitting with you because I couldn't watch you with him," Colin turned._

_"When did it become a competition?" I asked, getting slightly angry. "And why did it have to be one?"_

_Colin's nostrils flared and he got right up in front of me. "Please, Ginny. Don't act like you don't know how I feel about you and how I've always felt."_

_"I don't understand-"_

_Colin pressed his lips to mine hard. Just as fast as it happened, it was over._

_Colin was still close to me and his hand was placed on my cheek. "I'm in love with you, Ginny."_

_I couldn't breathe. All the air was sucked from me, but I knew what I had to do._

_I pulled away from him and stepped back. "Colin, I can't."_

_Colin's face showed emotions that I scarcely saw. Anger, embarrassment and frustration all combined into one._

_"My parents and Dennis advised me not to come back, but I told them I had to. I told them that I had to know that you were safe and that you were okay and alive. I couldn't just leave without knowing," he said, his voice laced with venom. "Every time you walk through that door with new scars and bruises, I cannot even begin to explain to you how much that hurts and how much I wish to God that you would just stop being your brave self for just one moment._

_"I know you love him, Ginny, and any person in this room can tell you he loves you as well, but sometimes there's someone else out there that can take better care of you," he said, his voice and face turning back to how it usually was. Soft, sweet, caring. Colin. "Someone who's going to survive this."_

_I opened my mouth to shout, but in all of my shock and nervousness, "I love him, Colin. I have to believe he's going to make it. Even if the odds are slim. I'm sorry," came out only as a feeble whisper._

_"Fine. That decision is going to be the end of you, Ginny," he spat. "And I'm not going to sit around and watch."_

_He stormed past me, between where Seamus was attempting to woo Katie Bell, shoulder checked Neville, went through the tunnel leading to Aberforth's tunnel, and was gone._

I cried hard, sobbing liquid that felt a lot like I imagine acid would. I struggled viciously with the arms holding me back, but they were strong and they wouldn't budge, not even the slightest bit.

Bill and Charlie hurried off as fast as they could with the corpse of my dead best friend as fast as they could, but that didn't ease the pain. I screamed at the person holding me back. I screamed language that I had used before, very colourful language, but I knew it probably sounded as hurtful and malicious as I meant it at the time.

Finally, my energy ran out and my knees weakened and gave out but my body didn't hit the floor. The harms holding me back were now just holding me. They turned me around and wrapped themselves around me gently but form, just like their owner's own personality. I laid my head on the chest of the person who had held me back and sobbed hard for a while, but eventually I ran out of tears, and I just stayed there, wrapped in the person's arms until I got a huge knot in my stomach made of relief and anger.

I was relieved to have Harry so close to me again after so long, but I was angry at the fact that it took him so long to get here, though I know I knew deep down it wasn't really his fault at all.

But apparently the anger outweighed the relief and the knot turned into a white hot ball of anger. I felt like I could spit fire, I was so angry.

I pulled away from him and started hitting him _really_ hard in the arms and chest. I knew hit hurt because he kept saying, "Ow! Gin, that _really_ hurt!"

But he never resisted. He asked over and over again why I was hitting him but not once did he tell me to stop or relax or anything of the sort.

And _that_ made me stop.

He just looked at me. He raised his eyebrows. "Are you done now?"

I crossed my arms. "Maybe."

He stepped towards me and whispered, "Are you alright?"

I nodded a little, but a small tear fell. He wiped it off with his thumb.

Anger washed away and relief was overwhelming. I threw my arms around his neck and squeezed tight, not wanting to let go. He returned in kind and wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head in the nape of my neck.

I heard the giant doors of the Great Hall open and people shuffling into it, but I didn't care. Whatever talking they had begun before they walked in just stopped.

"I missed you," Harry breathed.

I laughed quietly a little. "I missed you, too," I whispered back.

He pulled his head out of my neck and kissed me ever so slightly.

Looking back on it, I should've known the difference between how Harry and Colin both felt about me, but I was 16 putting on the role of a grown woman. I wasn't really thinking about things like that.

Colin had fancied me, maybe even loved me. He had said to me, "_Every time you walk through that door with new scars and bruises, I cannot even begin to explain to you how much that hurts and how much I wish to God that you would just stop being your brave self for just one moment."_ Colin knew the kind of person I was and wanted me to stop it because he couldn't see me getting hurt.

Harry on the other hand, knew and accepted who I was. He may not have _approved_ of it, but he accepted it. And that was all I could ask for.


End file.
